April 2020 – Here is what one of our Lenten Challenge participants shared about their experience this year…

“I signed up for the Lenten challenge because for me, it helps to have structure to my spiritual time. The reflections each week that were sent helped to center the topic for that week. During that week, each day presented a different way of looking at the topic.

For example, the week on “honesty” included questions directed about honesty and God, honesty and self, honesty and loved ones, honesty and my community, honesty and creation. Some of these were extremely personal for me, like, how honest am I with God?

Some were not as pertinent, such as honesty and creation, although I’m concerned about creation and environment, that is not a priority for me right now. I really had to think about some of the questions posed, which was good during the Lenten season, as we can use that time to reflect.

The topic of forgiveness was most personal for me, as I question whether I have truly forgiven those who have hurt me. I think I have, but I need to reach out to God and ask for help if I have not been able to forgive. I also need to forgive myself constantly, as most people say, “you are too hard on yourself”. Funny to be thinking of forgiveness in relation to me; may God help me in this area. The Lenten reflection ended with a “bonus” week, that of Holy Week. I was so glad to end the Lenten challenge with “Christ is risen.”

Reflection by Sue Buchholz from Atlanta, GA, Lenten Challenge Participant

Dealing with the physical aspects of COVID has received a lot of attention in media.  However, the mental, emotional, and spiritual impacts COVID is having, particularly among COVID survivors, need far greater awareness than it is currently receiving.  In order to get a better understanding of the impact of COVID on these other aspects of health, Karen Webster, HSHC Executive Director, recently interviewed a community of faith member who shared their COVID journey.  To learn more, check out their Q&A session below. 

When did you have COVID, and how did you experience it?

“I had COVID in mid-November, and I’ve no idea where I got it.  I wore masks everywhere.  I started coming down with COVID symptoms right in the midst of celebrating my husband’s mother’s 90^th birthday with a very small gathering of close family members, followed the next day by our daughter celebrating her 16^th birthday with a very small group of her closest friends in our front yard with everyone wearing masks and socially distancing themselves. 

Since we had visited family out-of-town, my husband’s boss had said, ‘I want you to get a COVID test before you come back to work.’ My husband’s result turned up negative and, for a moment, I thought I would be ok, but mine, however, turned up positive.  And I just remember thinking to myself, “What? How can this be?” I was shocked and mortified.

My husband immediately called his 90-year-old mother, and he, too, started panicking because it was his side of the family we had just visited – his brother, who’s over 60, sister-in-law, his niece, and nephew.  I immediately started having a shame panic attack.

The first person I called was my mom, and she said to me, “Well, did you get tested before you went?” She immediately made me feel even worse than I was already feeling about myself and all my regrets, the guilt.  I hung up and cried. What did I just do?  I just endangered all of these people. The people I love the most could die now. It’s my fault. I’m sick… That was the worst hour.

Whom did you feel comfortable telling/who was your support network?

“I’m a private person, so normally I would not have told anybody else.  However, in this instance, I had to share the news with my husband’s family and the people who attended my daughter’s birthday party, which included telling my four closest friends who had been at the party… crying.  In terms of my support network, I told my friends because I had to, but really it was only my husband and daughter.  COVID is very isolating.  First, you’re told to quarantine, and then, if you’re feeling shameful about it, it is a super isolating disease.”

What messages were you receiving that impacted how and with whom you shared your diagnosis?  How did those make you feel about your diagnosis?

“Internally, I thought, ‘How could I have done this to people?… holding on tightly to shame and regret.  Externally, my friends said to me, “You know, you didn’t do anything wrong.  You were careful.” Through the process of sharing with my four friends, I felt cared for.  And then, because they interacted with other people I knew, they would tell me, “Oh, I told so-and-so, and they’re really concerned about you,” and my first reaction inside would be, “You told them!?” I really didn’t want anybody outside of my super tight inner circle to know because I was afraid I was going to be judged.  And the thing that surprised me and I did not anticipate is anyone being concerned about me and my health.  Rather, I had been thinking, “I’m bad.. Are they going to be mad at me? They’re judging me…Who did I almost kill?”

What could your faith community have done to support you while you were sick?  Is there any support you would like from them now?

In terms of my faith community, I emailed my two pastors because I knew they were safe people to tell and that they were there for me.  They wrote back, “Oh no, let me know if there’s anything I can do.” And that was it.  Looking back, I think what would have been helpful was to have received a phone call from one of, or both of them, to help me discern what I needed because at the time, I did not know what I needed!

I also serve on one of the congregation’s leadership teams, and, at first, I didn’t tell them because it didn’t occur to me.   However, at a meeting shortly after my illness, someone started asking about how those in church could “help those people.” This upset me and, without having planned through what I was going to say, I immediately jumped in and shared my experience as a COVID survivor.  

COVID is challenging enough physically, and then to add the stigma… you must have caught COVID by not wearing a mask or doing something you shouldn’t have done or going somewhere or not washing your hands or not doing something you should have done… I’ve even caught myself thinking, “Well, of course, that person got it, because they…” From a cultural-global-spiritual perspective, COVID is really highlighting our biases, stereotypes, judgments, and hypocrisies.  The committee appreciated that I brought this awareness to them while, at the same time, I experienced being cared for.

Any final thoughts?

“I grew up in the eighties during the AIDS epidemic.  My immediate reaction after having gotten the positive test for COVID was a deep, new compassion and empathy for people who had AIDS.  In the eighties, we heard about them, and we judged them.  Having COVID, I realized that they not only had to deal with being physically sick, but they also had to deal with mental and emotional pain from being stigmatized… guilt, shame, “Who got sick because of me?” It would be interesting to talk to someone who also had coronavirus and AIDS and see if it’s any kind of similarity.”

Reflecting on my experience spiritually, the only thing I can compare having COVID to is all of the grief, despair, and complete brokenness I felt when my dad was diagnosed with cancer and died, a six-week process from diagnosis to death.  Through the experience of the brokenness I felt after my dad died, I learned that I was loved not because of how much I do and who I am (type A, high achiever, successful athlete), but I learned that people loved me, and I was lovable even at my worst, my most broken.  And my experience with COVID was learning that lesson again, on another level.  So, actually, it has been a very cool spiritual period.”

One of the ways we have been tending to our overall health and wellbeing over the last several months is by being more intentional about making space for play in our lives, which we confess is one of the first things we let go of when we are feeling anxious or pressured to be “productive.”  For example, several months ago, Travis and I made a commitment to spend more time doing jigsaw puzzles.  This was something we had not done in almost 18 years of marriage.  While we may not be the fastest “puzzlers,” we have thoroughly enjoyed how working on puzzles quiets our minds as we set aside our “to-do lists” and the concerns of the day simply to focus on shapes, colors, and the subtle nuances of the puzzle pieces.  This has helped lower our stress and improve our sense of wellbeing.

In addition to puzzles, we have also tried to be more open to playing games.  The most recent new one we tried was Drawful 2 (more details to follow), to which my brother and his family introduced us several weeks ago during a visit.  

Having lived apart from my family for 10+ years has meant that we have long been using internet video calls to communicate, which, thankfully, helped lessen the online learning curve and quick transition that COVID made necessary.  Who would have imagined a year ago that we would be attending church services, baby showers, birthdays, and graduations, as well as playing games with family and friends, online?  While these online gatherings are not ideal, we are thankful for the opportunity to connect and be in a relationship with others, especially given the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual toll that the pandemic is continuing to have on our lives.

For those who are not familiar with Drawful 2 (a game that can be played well either in person or via Zoom, Skype, or Facetime), each player receives a “unique” (that is, weird!) prompt that they must try to draw on their mobile devices (without the ability to erase once you start drawing!).  For example, when playing with my family (dad, brother, sister-in-law, and two young nieces), we had to draw things such as “a pool full of salad,” “summer tuxedo,” and “throwing shadow.”  After each “artist” presents their work, everyone else anonymously proposes a title for this bizarre drawing. 

The goal is to somehow find the correct prompt while fooling other players into selecting your decoy answer, both of which earn you points.  Ultimately, the person who receives the most points “wins.”  However, with the amount of laughter the game produced when we played, we thought everybody “won” in terms of its positive impact on our mental and emotional health!    

Now, of course, we could not help but think theologically about the parallels between playing Drawful 2 and dealing with COVID.  Here are some of our reflections: 

• At the start of 2020, pre-pandemic, most of us probably had a fairly clear picture in our minds of how the year was going to unfold.  Similarly, with Drawful 2, when you read the phrase you are supposed to draw, your mind almost immediately creates an image.
• Once the pandemic started, 2020 ended up looking nothing at all like what we had envisioned!  The same thing happens when playing Drawful.  At no point did what I draw look remotely like what I imagined, despite my best efforts.
• We are now facing the fact that the majority of 2020 has gone by and there are probably some things we wish we could erase, or perhaps just begin anew, but can’t.  Similarly, with Drawful, once you start drawing, you can’t go back and erase what has happened; you simply have to live with it the best you can. 
• While we don’t know how long the pandemic is going to last, we know that God is with us and loves us and that, through our trust in God, we have faith that the overall outcome will be okay.  With Drawful, no matter how bad the drawings, and no matter how many points we get (or don’t), we know everyone will enjoy themselves.

Making time for play, particularly with our friends and families, is, in our experience, one of the best ways we can all tend to our overall health and wellbeing, both during this anxious time and into the future.

Want to add some (socially safe) play to your life?  Here are three recommendations.  Note: the games range from easy to complicated, 2 minutes to several hours, kid-friendly to experts-only, and few to many players!  

• Boardgamearena.com (FREE and premium accounts – $4/month): over 200 games available in multiple languages.  Players create a free account and can invite friends to join their game table using their individual usernames.  Games are divided by number of players, play time, and complexity.  This site has a group video option if you buy a premium account and are playing with fewer than 4 players.  A premium account gives you access to all 245 games, but it will probably be a while before you get bored with the free options!  Players can join from a tablet or laptop, but we don’t recommend playing on a phone. 
• Drawful 2 can be found at Jackboxgames.com (games cost from $5 to $20) – this site lets a group of people play internet games together in person or remotely.  Most games are an internet version of classics like Charades, Balderdash, Pictionary, Trivia, etc., but with a twist.  Games can be purchased individually or in a “Party Pack.”  Players can join from a smartphone, tablet, or laptop using a room code.  
• playingcards.io (FREE) – this site lets a group of people play card games (and some simple board games) remotely.  Choose from one of 13 pre-programmed games or create a custom room to play any of your favorite card games.  Players can join from a smartphone, tablet, or laptop using a room code. 

This summer Healthy Seminarians-Healthy Church has the wonderful opportunity for Lucas Mburu, a 2nd year MATS student at CTS, to complete a part-time supervised ministry with us in partnership with Columbia Presbyterian Church. Lucas’ internship focuses on “Building Flourishing Communities,” an area where he holds great passion and aspires to carry forth after completing his studies.

Lucas has served as a pastor in the Presbyterian Church in Kenya since 2013.  Currently his family (wife and two children) are living in Nairobi, Kenya. Earlier this summer, Karen Webster, HSHC executive director, sat down with Lucas and asked him to share his perspectives on health and wholeness as they relate to seminarians and clergy and what similarities and differences he observes between the US and Kenya.  To Karen’s surprise, Lucas told her that clergy must have a heart condition!

Learn more about this “heart condition” and what Lucas shared below in their Q&A session.

How would you define health, wellbeing, and wholeness?
Growing up I was socialized to think that the terms “health,” “wellbeing,” and “wholeness” meant the same and could be used interchangeably.  A person was healthy, well, or whole if they were not sick or did not depict any sign of hurting physically.  Happiness, productivity, and complaints were used by society to judge people’s health; however, health was interpreted mainly as the absence of physical sickness.

As my worldview grew, I discovered that it was naive to imagine humans as merely physical beings and to see health as solely the absence of physical sickness.  Seeing health in only one way is a denial that humans are complex beings.  Who we are is deeply shaped by our traditions and narratives, which give meaning to our lives and impacts our overall health and wellbeing. 

What do you think it means to be a healthy seminarian?
A healthy seminarian is able to perceive and discern several things with an open mind: their calling; their environment, their time, and God’s love for them as they relate physically, emotionally, socially, rationally, and spiritually within their environment.  Each of these dimensions are important indicators of health and wholeness.

What would you consider to be a healthy clergy person?
A clergy person’s environment is extremely demanding, more so than seminarians, as it drains them physically, emotionally, socially, rationally, and spiritually.  Having served as a pastor, my interpretation of a healthy clergy person begins with an understanding of God’s love that was revealed in Jesus Christ.  They are convinced that the love of God needs nothing to qualify it apart from what God has already done in the person of Jesus Christ.  They are called into God’s on-going work, which requires love for God, neighbor, and self.  They see their ministry as an intertwined relationship of these three without jeopardizing one for the other.     

A healthy clergy person portrays a heart condition that embraces time for God, neighbor, and self.  This heart condition should recognize the relationship between these three as interconnected, necessary, and a challenge to maintain. 

What you describe sounds different from the heart conditions many of us are accustomed to thinking about (heart attacks, murmurs, leaky values, etc.).  Tell me more!
This kind of heart condition involves a clergy person’s ability to see service to any of the three (God, neighbor, and self) as important because service to one cannot be done separately from the other.  Healthy clergy are able to balance their commitment to each of these aspects in their lives.

Do you have any other thoughts about what it means to be a healthy seminarian and clergy person?
I have grappled with this question subconsciously, but not in detail.  Sometimes I find myself in deep thought about burnout and frustrations that burdened my fellow seminarians and ministers.  Sometimes I feel as if I am an unhealthy seminarian and clergy person.  My traditions and narratives surrounding seminarians and clergy stereotypically imply that they enjoy a divine relationship, which privileges and burdens them in different ways than lay people. This relationship privileges them with good health irrespective of their context.  I suspect this stereotypical view is shared by both clergy and laity.  This view leaves clergy and seminarians devoid of wholeness because it does not recognize humanity and vulnerability.  I think the health of seminarians and clergy persons needs to be prioritized during their study and while serving as ministers.      

What have you observed during your time in the US as it relates to clergy health and well-being?
One major difference I have observed is the communal way in which people in my country live compared to the individual way people live in the US. 

I have not seen in the US intentional time set aside for people to fellowship with their pastors nor time set aside by the congregation to care for the well-being of their clergy.  Also, in Kenya we have organized fellowship between clergy that encourages the use of holidays, celebrations, and further learning. 

In the US, the relationship I see between a pastor and their congregation is being played out as employees and employers.  Pastoring is seen as individual work, which isolates clergy by discouraging the congregation’s involvement in the church work and prevents them from building relationships with their pastor.  This employee-employer relationship does not recognize the important part that community plays in individual health, especially their social and emotional well-being.

Any final thoughts?
Though people have various ways of defining health depending on their context, this belief does not preempt the possibility of a common thread.  Based on the scripture, “You shall love your God … …, and your neighbor as yourself” (Luke 10:27), I suggest that this common thread is a relationship between the community of God, neighbor, and self.  The healthier the thread, the healthier one’s health.  One’s vocational calling is a cyclic web from God to neighbor to self. Investing time and resources in safeguarding the health of these relationships is essential to our calling.  

You can learn more about Lucas here.

January 2020 – Sarah Smith, CTS Alum 2017

While pastoring in Northern Ireland, I joined a typical gym where you walked in, did your workout, and really didn’t speak with anyone. I worked out there for about a month, and then there was snow. . . I didn’t go back.

I started attending a different gym where class instructors and the owner learned my name. Soon, working out was no longer something I had to do, but something I looked forward to each day. I was living in a new country, and had no friends, and this community changed all of that for me.

Through my journey with this community, my fitness level, attitude toward fitness, and approach to food and fitness totally changed. I love working out, and my day doesn’t feel complete without a workout. I also enjoy eating healthy, and taking care of myself, both mentally and physically. With the support of my fitness community, I was able to hike the highest peak in Northern Ireland. The owner still checks in on me and makes sure that I am keeping up with my fitness and healthy lifestyle.

Community is huge. Find a community where you feel encouraged, supported, nourished. Find people who will walk alongside you and fill you up instead of depleting you. Who fill your life with joy, happiness, love, support, and encouragement. We were created to be in community with each other. Take time to build relationships. It may change your life.

Peace,
Sarah